Author's Note: This post originally was posted on my new site sowhatramblings.com. I will continue to post on this site for just a few more weeks. Please update accordingly. Thanks.
My children will get what’s coming to them. They’ll be paid
back for the way they’ve treated me. My wife and I will have our revenge.
You may think I’m some sort of sociopath. To this I reply,
1) You may be right, and 2) I’m not crazy, I just have children.
For every dumbfounded “I don’t know”, each whiny voiced cry,
every broken household item, and any spilled beverage, sticky candy, or
unidentified goo found under the car seats, we will have our revenge. They
will get paid back for the stains on our walls, the broken furniture, and any
ruined electronics destroyed by their sticky or slippery fingers.
When I spend unnecessary hours of my life repeating the same
things over and over again, only to have my children completely forget what I
just told them, I can take comfort in knowing they’ll get their just desserts.
It’s okay my children have the attention span of an amoeba. (Check
that. I could tell an amoeba to stay put and I think it would do it).
Trying to get a child to hear and remember something is like trying to
correctly fold a fitted sheet, but it doesn’t matter. It will all work out in
the end.
When one
of our children starts crying at night and refuses to go to bed because
their sister has their “favorite” bear, which no one has laid eyes on or played
within in the last 6 months, but all of a sudden it’s become their most prized
possession in the entire UNIVERSE, (purely hypothetical example, I assure you),
I can rest easy knowing some day these children will get their comeuppance.
My wife and I are at peace. Though we be tired, tortured,
frustrated, and yea, sometimes even dirty, smelly, or broke because of the tiny
people we live with, we are at peace. We know ultimately justice will be
served. Why, you may ask? Where is our source of comfort in the midst of the
storm of child-rearing? It is knowing that one day they will have
children of their own who will act the same way they are acting right now.
One day their children will say “I don’t know”, “I didn’t do
it”, and “What/Huh/Why” over and over again. One day they will have children of
their own who will swallow pennies, require them to go the emergency room
repeatedly for stitches, and cry uncontrollably for no reason whatsoever.
Bill Cosby once said mothers curse their children saying, “I
hope one day you will have children who act the same way that you act.” The
curse works. Children are emotionally immature and intellectually stunted. They
don’t know why they do the things they do, don’t listen to the things you say,
and can’t remember why hitting their sister in the face with a bat is a bad
thing, (another hypothetical).
They are also little sinners who are selfish, arrogant, and
rebellious. They are desperately in need of the Law of God, (which I’m happy to
provide), and the Love of God, (which I’m not so good at
giving sometimes). They need the Grace of God to change their hearts and
show them their need for a Savior. Then again, so do I.
It’s okay I have to deal with people with no common sense.
God is using, (I trust), the trial of parenting to mold my wife and me into
godly, patient, and faithful people. “And we know that in all things God
works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his
purpose” (Rom. 8:28). And we also know our kids will eventually have to
deal with children of their own. (Insert evil cackling laugh here).
Oh yes, their time is coming. My revenge will be sweet.
One day I’ll be a grandparent.
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