Mini Series: Nadab and Abihu...Freedom's Folly, (pt 1)

Have you ever been to Chicago or New York City? There are some enormous skyscrapers there. In Chicago you have the John Hancock building and the Sears tower, (which was the tallest building in the world at one time). I have actually been to the top floor of the John Hancock building and it’s quite impressive. You can look all over downtown Chicago, Lake Michigan, and see for miles and miles all around you.

The structure of those buildings is incredible. Architects have to build those skyscrapers according to calculated formulas and codes in order that the buildings can withstand the wind, pressure, and weight of the materials. This way the buildings don’t fall down on top of people’s heads in downtown Chicago, (which is always a bummer). So what, (Yes! I included it again), would happen should the architects decide to disregard the science, math, and architectural guidelines for building a skyscraper for the sake of having the freedom to do it however they saw fit?

Great movie. 

I've never been to medical school, nor do I want to. Do you know why I don’t want to go to medical school? Reason number 1: because it costs like a GILLION dollars to become a doctor. Reason number 2: It takes about 800 years of schooling to become a doctor. I’m already 33, so I’d rather not make the attempt at my age. Why does it take so much time and money to become a doctor? Because doctor’s take people’s lives in their hands, (just like Colonel Nathan Jessup), and because people who do heart surgery really need to know what the heck they are doing. They have to learn all the ins and outs of why the body works the way it does, how to properly heal a person who is sick or needs surgery, and the right and wrong way to treat a person. How good would you feel if you were being wheeled into surgery, were slowing fading into sleep from the medication, and heard the doctor say, “I’m just going to wing it in there, I feel like I have the freedom as a doctor to do whatever I want. I’m sure it’ll work out in the end”? I believe the medical term for your response would be Ijustcrappedmypantsitis, but I’m not sure.

Admit it, you're laughing right now as you look at this.

What does this example and question have to do with one another? Why do I bring them up? I am trying to illustrate a problem in some Christian circles and churches. The problem is some have sacrificed the truth and guidelines given by God for the sake of what's comfortable, what feels good, for "freedom", and for open-mindedness. Thus begins the Nadab and Abihu miniseries. Who are Nadab and Abihu? Well I'm glad you asked!

There's a story in the Old Testament involving a couple of priests, Nadab and Abihu, who were working before the Lord's temple. God had given strict instructions to the Israelites on how they should approach him, what food should be offered, what sort of incense should be burned, how the people should cleanse themselves before coming to him, how the priests should dress, etc. The structure and rules given is pretty extensive, and you can read all about it in Exodus and Leviticus if you want. God went over the rules pretty exhaustively with Moses and the people so they would understand what he wanted and how he wanted them to come before him.

Well these two priests must have figured, "Aw, what the heck, we'll offer another kind of incense before God. It's not prescribed in God's instructions, but we're priests and we have the authority and freedom to interpret God's instructions as we see fit," (that's my translation anyways). Let's see what the Bible actually says:

"Now Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer and put fire it and laid incense on it and offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, which he had not commanded them. And fire came out from before the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord. Then Moses said to Aaron, 'This is what the Lord has said: 'Among those who are near me I will be sanctified, and before all the people I will be glorified," (Leviticus 10:1-3).

How did this end? Not well...

Look, I don't actually know what was in Nadab and Abihu's heart at the time. The Bible doesn't say. What is clear is that God had spoken to the people, and specifically to the priests (leaders), about what was right, good, and appropriate. He had given specific instruction on how he should be approached. Nadab and Abihu had been given specific revelation, but they did things their own way regardless. The consequences were death by fire.

That may sound harsh, but it's also a reality. God takes disobedience from his revealed Word very seriously and so should we. More specifically, there is a warning here to leaders of God's people that God is serious about what he has said and will hold leaders of his people accountable for their actions. That doesn't mean you'll get eaten by your microwave, but it does mean church leaders should be reverently fearful about how they obey what God has said in his Word and how they lead the church of Jesus Christ.

A couple other observations:
- God is serious about obedience to His Word and His commands. Spitefully rejecting those commands does not lead to good things. This means I should be careful to follow what he has said. I'll be honest with you. I stink at being obedient. I struggle with giving and managing my money. I'm terrible about not worrying and trusting God. I am quite possibly the worst person in all human history at sharing my faith and the gospel with others. Sometimes I am selfish, angry, lustful, prideful, and just downright mean, (it's true). I am not even close to being a obedient follower to what God has said in the Bible.

Does this mean God is going to forsake me or burn me alive like Nadab and Abihu? Yes and No. Yes, in the sense that I deserve God's righteous judgment for not being obedient to Him. "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God", (Romans 3:23). In another sense, no, because God has poured out his wrath and righteous judgment on another so that I might have life and forgiveness, "and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus," (Romans 3:24). Jesus Christ, the son of God, died on a cross and was risen from the grave three days later. By faith in his death and resurrection, I can have life and forgiveness from my sins in him.

- On the other hand, God will require an accounting for how Christians, and particularly leaders, were obedient to what God had revealed in his Word.
"Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account," (Hebrews 13:17)
"Each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each has done," (1 Corinthians 3:13).
Christians have been given instruction and clear direction from God in the Bible on some matters. We cannot forsake those directions, like Nadab and Abihu, because we don't like them, because they're uncomfortable, or because they're culturally unpleasant. God is gracious in Christ, but that doesn't mean we can disregard his Word if we don't like what it says. This is especially true for Christian leaders and teachers within the church.

Stay tuned, the series is just getting started. I can tell already that you can barely stand the excitement.

Kids, You Can't Beat Them...

Admit it, you thought this blog was going to be about spanking, didn't you? Well it's not. Although...

Just kidding. I realized I had written about the challenges and frustrations of parenting on several occasions and I felt like it I needed to write about the joys and rewards of being a parent for a change. (I do reserve the right to complain about my kids as early as tomorrow should they do something that warrants such a blog.)

Being a parent is tough. You have to deal with unreasonable people who argue, are impatient, and have no sense of logic, (and that's just dealing with your spouse!). Children wet the bed at 4 am. They get sick. They, with the intellect and life experiences of a 7 year old, think they know better than their 30 something year old parents, (I'm told this gets worse during adolescence). Children sin, a lot. They get angry, selfish, prideful, disrespectful, and outright defiant. They take away your sleep, wear you out, drain your wallet, and greatly affect your social life. Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done.

That being said...

- You can't beat the feeling of holding your little baby boy or girl in your arms while they're sleeping.
- You can't beat watching your child learn how to roll over, crawl, or walk for the first time.
- You can't beat seeing the wonder on a baby's face as they experience lights, noises, food, toys, smells, and life in general for the first time.
- You can't beat being with your child as they experience ice cream for the first time.
- Disney World is an entirely new and wonderful experience when you take children with you. I hate the "It's a Small World" ride with a holy passion, but I rode that silly ride with my daughter because she thought it was the coolest thing she'd ever done. I didn't enjoy the ride, (it's quite frightening), but I enjoyed watching her ride it.

- There's a certain age when your children fit perfectly in your arms. For my kids it was between two and three years old. It was if God gave you a perfect little teddy bear that is warm, soft, and cuddly that fits into your arms like a key in a lock. It's an incredibly wonderful and tender feeling. I wouldn't give that time up for a year's worth of sleep filled nights.
- When my seven year old, Lillian, was about two or so, she was just learning to run. The problem was that her arms were trying to figure out how to run in time with her legs. The result was technically "running", but was a herky-jerky run where arms and legs were flying in every which direction and we had no idea how she didn't fall flat on her face. I can still recreate the "run" if I want to. Memories like that are worth getting up to clean a pee filled bed.
- My kids, when they are not arguing in the backseat of the van, will sing songs. They will sing praise songs, Christmas songs, whatever. It's a taste of heaven to hear those little voices from the backseat. It's worth having a mini-van with french fries and raisins all over the floor just to hear those kids sing.

- My four year old is one of a kind. There is no other word to describe her than just "Annie", (which is her name obviously). She marches to the beat of the rhythm in her own mind. One day, while walking through church with my wife, she promptly did a cartwheel, stood up, and just kept on walking. She really didn't care who was looking or how they felt about her gymnastics. She just felt like doing it and that's all that mattered. Earlier this week, for no particular reason, at Annie decided to run down the aisle at Wal-Mart and slide on her knees next to the Pop-Tarts. Then she got up and just kept going. That's just how Annie rolls. I could tell you a thousand stories about Annie that all pretty much share the same theme. The laughter and joy we get out of watching our kids can't compare with a thousand date nights without them.
- My son likes to mow the lawn with me. He has his own tiny little toy lawnmower and he walks behind me with it whenever I cut the grass. He loves being with his dad doing guy stuff. He also loves trucks and motorcycles. Anytime we see one while driving around he screams out, "BIG TRUCK! BIG TRUCK, MOTORCYCLE, MOTORCYCLE!" until we acknowledge that yes indeed, that is a big truck, etc. There's so much about him that is just "boy" that is so different than my girls. It's awesome to experience the difference between the sexes, even on a two year old scale.

I could go on and on and I would still miss out on so many stories, events, and life experiences that my wife and I have had with our kids. Some of it is explainable. Some of it is not; you just have to experience it to know what I'm talking about. In the good moments there is something magical and transcendent about being a parent and watching your kids grow up. That may sound weird to say, but it's true. God gives you these little moments as a parent that make you say, "This is all worth it." Yes, they wet the bed. Yes, they rack up medical bills. Yes, they break and will break your heart. Yes, they are little sinners and will drive you crazy with their selfishness, anger, and disrespect at times. Yes, there are so many little and big things that drive you up the wall, drive out your money, and take away your sleep. Even so, I wouldn't give up my kids and the memories that come with them for anything in the world. So while I can honestly and humorously talk about "these brain damaged people" (Cosby), I can also say that they are treasures given to me by God.

So you can't beat having kids...but they may indeed deserve a spanking from time to time. :)

Genesis 18 (Pt. 1) - Where God makes Sarah Laugh and Burns Stuff

Last night I got to go to a concert with my wife, without the children. The concert involved some musicians we had listened to in college so we went, without the children. We had a wonderful time together, without the children, listening to music and enjoying ourselves without the children. I love good music and it was a real treat to have some quality time with my wife, you know...without those people.

Speaking of Abraham and Genesis 18, (segue), we last left Abraham cutting parts off his hoo-ha. What's going on now you ask? I am glad you asked.

Genesis 18 begins a story about Sodom and Gomorrah, which continues into Genesis 19 and 20. The Sodom and Gomorrah story is pretty interesting, (fire and brimstone, literally). To be honest with you, I'd rather just skip to that story, because it's much more exciting. The problem is that the first part of Genesis 18, while pretty innocuous, (my fancy word for the day), is still very important. Why? Because it shows God fulfilling his promise to Abraham, the promises made earlier in chapter 12, 15, and 17.

So what (patent pending) happens? "And the Lord appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day.," (18:1). So God shows up. Abraham recognizes it is God and like any good host he rushes about to get the Lord and his angels some hors d'oeurves, (v2-8). God and the angels eat the tasty snacks. The lesson to be learned here is: if you want God to bless you, make sure you have good chips and salsa, (I'm totally kidding, please do not take me seriously).

God then says to Abram, "Where is Sarah your wife?' And he said, 'She is in the tent.' The Lord said, 'I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son," (v9-10). God promises Abraham, who is about 99 years old at this point, that he is going to bear a child. Even more so, he is going to bear a son. God had been promising Abraham for the last 25 years that he was going to be the father of a great nation and the nation was going to come from he and his wife. Abraham had tried to make God's promise work in his own time and ways, but that didn't work out too well, (see also Ishmael). Now God comes to him and tells Abraham that within a year he is going to have the son of promise. Think about it. Abraham had been waiting for 25 years and is told now, when he's about to pass the century mark, he's about to have a boy.

Now you're probably thinking it might be hard for Sarah and Abraham to see how this is going to happen because they're both Very Old People and Very Old People usually don't bear children, nor do they want to. Sarah is thinking the same way. "And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, (I told you so), advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, 'After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure," (v10-12). There comes a time in a woman's life when...um...there are no more...they don't have any...um...they can't have children. As Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I have to say about that."


Anyways, Sarah's barren. She can't have kids. It's physically impossible. So when she hears God say that Sarah will bear a son she laughs out loud, literally. Well the problem of laughing around God is no matter how quietly you laugh, God hears. It's like making a face at your mom behind her back. She just always knows. Same thing with God. So he calls Sarah out on her unbelief.

"The Lord said to Abraham, 'Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.' But Sarah denied it, saying, 'I did not laugh.' for she was afraid. He said, 'No, but you did laugh," (13-15). Sarah gets caught red handed, so to speak, for her unbelief. In human terms you can hardly blame her.

Most Very Old People who are 99 years old or so live in tiny little communities with nurses like this and can't go to the bathroom on their own. However, in divine terms, there is nothing impossible for God. So God tells Sarah, I heard you, you're busted. Sarah tries to deny it, just like the children who live in my house, but it's too late.

Some important SoWhat lessons here:
1. God is faithful to fulfill his promises and his covenants, no matter what it takes. Human limitations are not limitations for God. God will ALWAYS be faithful to his WORD and to his promises. This is the basis for faith by the people of God: He is faithful to what he says. He can be trusted. Man will not limit the promise of God. We need to remember this as we read the rest of the Bible. God has made certain promises to Abraham and his descendants, i.e. the Jews. They may do really, really stupid things in the future, but God will not forsake them and will not forsake his promises. Keep that in mind.
2. God does not require people of perfect faith in order to do great things. Abraham and Sarah have had their share of doubts and mistakes throughout their lives. Sarah, even after 25 years of seeing God at work, still has trouble believing God's Word. That's okay. God is still going to work and do miracles in their lives. The Lord doesn't necessarily require people of pure faith, just some faith.
3. It's never a good idea to laugh at God. I'm just saying.
4. Menopause is an uncomfortable topic for a man to write about. Nuff said.

God is going to fulfill his promise of giving Abraham a son. He is going to use people who have trouble believing, but he is going to work out his plan no matter what. We're about to see the beginnings of the fulfillment of God's unconditional promises to Abraham and his kin. Cool stuff.

Next time: God blows stuff up. In the meantime:

What I was thinking about at 4:12 am after my child wet the bed...

Disclaimer: I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to Genesis lately. It seems that my life has involved a lot of family related stuff recently, which has inspired more family oriented blogs. I promise to get back to Genesis asap. Lately though, I've been too tired to really think, write, or study the Bible, so I didn't want to put forward a sub-par blog. My fans deserve better...all four of you. 

Yep, last night my middle child,. who will remain nameless, wet the bed. She is potty trained, but has problems at night sometimes, so she wears nighttime diapers. You would think that by their very name, "Nighttime Diapers", they would keep the bed dry during the night. Not so, my friends, not so. There's only so much liquid those things can hold before they burst like a dam. Gross analogy? Yes. Accurate? Yes. So what, (patent pending), does a parent do at 4 am when their child waddles into your room and says she wet the bed?

Child: Mommy/Daddy, I wet the bed.
Parent: Just find a dry corner of the bed and make the best of it until morning. (I didn't really say that, but I wanted to).

90% of the time when these things happen my wife gets up. Why? Because she's the better person in our marriage and wants me to sleep as much as possible. Tonight however, (rather this morning I should say), I got up to help Ms. Wetthebed because my wife had only gotten about 8 hours of sleep during the last 72 hours and I felt sorry for her. So I got up, changed sheets, changed clothes, threatened my daughter with torture if she got back out of bed before 7, and went back to bed. (Please note: I am not a nice person after midnight and pee only makes things worse).

Aruba. Where no children ever wet the bed. It's a law.

So I'm laying there in bed trying to go back to sleep, but I can't. I'm laying there thinking, "Why is parenting so hard? Why does my two year old son act like either an angry prison inmate or a moody Hollywood actor? Why won't my children listen to me when I ask them to do something simple, like eat their spaghetti? Why do my kids occasionally disrespect their parents who love, feed, nurture, and take care of them when they are sick? Why do kids get sick all of the time? Why do children have to wet the bed? Why is it I can't get at least 7 uninterrupted hours of sleep without someone in the house having a crisis? What is the point of all of this? Is it possible my wife and I could move to Aruba and leave the kids with the grandparents for the next two years? Why do I smell like pee?"

These are the thoughts a parent, (or at least this parent), has at 4:30 in the morning because their child wet the bed and now you're angry because you had to get up to fix the wetness. Now you're too angry to go back to sleep which makes you more angry. Now you start thinking and worrying, and all of a sudden it's time to get up and go to work. Being a parent is just so exhausting because you're always on call. If you're a nurse or doctor, you're on call for a certain period, then you're off for so many days before going back to work. If you are an extreme athlete or long distance runner there's a certain training period before the race and then once the race is over you can take a break. Heck you can quit during training or even during the race if you want. If you're a Congressman you...really don't do anything of merit, so that doesn't apply here, (I couldn't resist). If you're a CEO, you're certainly always on call, but even those types of guys/gals get vacation days in Aruba where they can play golf, swim, or hang out with that guy.

But if you're a parent you are always on duty. You don't get off duty until the children go to college, (theoretically). You have to be ready all the time for whatever may come up, (sickness, pee, homework, bullies, more pee, more sickness, PTA, Girl Scouts, soccer, ballet, pee, gifts, birthdays, parties, activities, fights, pee, ad nauseum). It's exhausting. (It's also extremely rewarding. I have been meaning to do another blog on the rewards of having children, i.e. they get rich and take care of you later in life, but right now I'm doing the 4 am pee story).

So with all of this in mind, I lay there thinking: What is the point of all of this? How do my wife and I survive? How do we keep going? As I lay there I began thinking about the book of Hebrews, which is in the Bible. We had studied a portion of the book last week in church and I started thinking about what we talked about. The Hebrews were a group of Jews who had converted to Christianity in the 1st century. They were experiencing some tough times. They were being persecuted for their faith in Christ both by the government and from the Jews who they had left to put their faith in Christ. It was a very hard time for them and some of the Hebrews were considering going back to Judaism, forsaking Jesus Christ and their faith in him. The writer of the book sends them this letter/sermon to remind them of the superiority of Jesus over anything Judaism had to offer and to encourage them to hold on to Jesus.

One of the things the author highlights to his audience is the reward there is in trusting and following Christ to the end and how that reward is greater than anything the world has to offer. He mentions how Moses, (think Charlton Heston, 10 Commandments), "considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. By faith he left Egypt...for he endured as seeing him who is invisible", (Hebrews 11:26-27). The author also mentions how Jesus, "who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God," (Hebrews 12:2). The author's point is that there is greater reward, ultimately, in trusting in and enduring for Jesus Christ, than there is in submitting to sin, falling away from Christ, and enjoying whatever the world has to offer.

Let me offer a disclaimer here. My struggles with a wet bed at 4 am do not compare with a Christian being persecuted for his faith in ancient Rome or a Christian being persecuted for his faith in Syria or Egypt today, (all though no one in the media or Congress bothers to mention these people, but I digress). There are to be sure, others who are suffering to a much higher degree than I am. I have friends who have cancer and are fighting to survive. I have friends whose children are breaking their heart and it is pure agony to even watch. I know people who deal with physical disabilities and will do so for the rest of their lives. I have good friends who are struggling with broken marriages where they don't get to see their kids on a regular basis. My struggles with sick children and wet beds is minuscule compared to the pain that others are enduring.

However, I think it's fair to say that all of us, parent or not, single or married, sick or healthy, wet bed or dry bed, deal with or will deal with those 4 am questions in some form or another. "What am I doing? How do I get through this? Is it worth it? Is my faith in Jesus worth it? Why don't I just give up and give in?" The principle of greater joy applies to whoever is trying to walk with the Lord in a broken and fallen world. But what is that greater joy? What is the reward we look forward to as believers in Jesus? What do we hold on to at 4 am?

I believe in one way or another it is the reminder that there is greater joy to be found in being faithful to Jesus Christ than forsaking obedience and giving up. That joy may not be found in this life. It may be when you die and go to be with Jesus rather than what you experience on earth. For me, at 4 am this morning, it was the thought of God saying to me one day, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You were faithful to love, train, lead, care for, and model Christ to your children. It was hard, it wore you out, but you were faithful to me in how you cared for them." It is the thought that "the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us", (Romans 8:18). It is the thought that there is a reward to me from God for being faithful and not giving up to what he has called me. In my case right now that means being a faithful dad, husband, and employee. It means honoring Jesus in all that I do, proclaiming who he is, and living faithfully according to his Word. It means me stating Jesus was the Son of God who came to earth, died on the cross and in the process bore the penalty for man's rebellion against God. He rose from the grave on the third day and offers life and forgiveness for those who would believe on him for "there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved," (Acts 4:12).

Being a parent is hard. Cleaning pee at 4 am when you just want to sleep is hard. Taking care of your sick children is hard and it breaks your heart. Dealing with a two year old boy who appears to have some sort of hormonal anger issue is hard. Being faithful to love and discipline your children is hard. Doing, (fill in the blank), in a fallen and sinful world is really difficult, especially when the world we live in does not typically value or reward such faithfulness to God. But there is a reward from God for faithfulness. There is an eternal reality that is greater and has greater profit than living for ourselves or for what the world espouses as "good". The truth of greater joy and reward before God by being faithful to him and His Son Jesus in wherever I find myself was what sustained me and allowed me to go back to sleep at 4:30 this morning.

We all have to deal with this in some form or another:

But we have to remember this:

The most important thing in the...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I have come to a monumental conclusion. I have concluded that there is nothing more important than sleep. If you don't have sleep it doesn't matter what sort of wonderful thing or experience you have, you won't be able to enjoy it. For example:

- If you have a 72 inch HD TV with all of the channels, features, and fancy high tech stuff it is going to look no different than an old school tube TV if you're too tired to watch it.

Yes, this is an actual ride at Disney. Don't ask me why. 

- If you go to Disney World and have a park pass that let's you go to all of the wonderful rides in the world, watch an incredible parade and light show, and meet all of the characters, you won't be able to enjoy it because you'll fall asleep on the people mover and that will be the end of that.
- A delicious meal is not enjoyable if you're just going to fall asleep in your mashed potatoes.
- Say you get free tickets to the Super Bowl. Sure, you'll enjoy it for a while, but if you've consistently gotten four hours of sleep how long is it going to be before you seriously think about taking a nap in the bathroom in the third quarter?
- Big house + no sleep = just trying to find a quiet corner to get sleep in your big house.
- Money + no sleep = you spending your money on a huge bed to help you sleep.
- A blue Toyota Tundra, V8, extended cab with a spray on bed liner + no sleep = you falling asleep at the wheel of your perfect truck and ending up dead in a ditch just like your mother worried about.

What mothers fear the most. 

The list could go on and on. I have decided that I am willing to go to Tibet to be a missionary, join the Peace Corps, fight zombies, or work at the DMV if God will just promise me 7-8 solid hours of sleep at night. Yes, I'd even work at the DMV, so you know I'm serious.

How did I reach this conclusion, you might ask? How did I come to the decision that I would forsake all other things in order just to get a few Zs?

The reason is I have small children. Now you single people and/or childless married people, (a pox on your house!), have no idea what I'm talking about. Let me illuminate you.

Each small child that you have mathematically increases the chances you will not sleep at night. If you have one child, there's a 25% chance you won't sleep well. If you have two small children, it jumps up to 50%. If you have three small children, there's a 75% chance you are not sleeping soundly through the night. Throw in an pet dog or cat and it adds 10% to the number. I have three small children and a dog. You do the math. That's an 85% chance I'm having to get up in the night for one reason or another. Translation: I am a very, very tired man.

Now I hear you people without children asking: "What's the problem? I've seen the home page of your blog and your kids look like nice, sweet, and wonderful children. How in the world are they keeping you up at night? How can it be so hard?" I'm glad you asked oh non-believing-childless-person. Let me invite you into my sleepless world at night and give you some reasons why I haven't slept soundly in 8 years:

1. Small children have little to no bladder control. Ergo small children wet the bed. Small children then wake up and want their sheets and undergarments changed. Lesson learned: Don't give small children anything to drink after 2:00 pm.
2. Small children have nightmares. Small children then wake up screaming and unable to go back to sleep. Therefore they keep up their tired parents. Lesson learned: Never let your children watch anything other than G rated movies until they are 17 years old.

Yep, I've gotten punched in the back many times while trying to sleep.

3. Small children are scared of rain and thunder. Do you know what happens when it rains and thunders? Small children want to get in bed with their parents. Do you know what happens when small children get in bed with their parents? See #1 above, (awesome). Small children also move a lot in their sleep, so the parent is bound to get kicked in the back or elbowed in the face. It's like waking up in the middle of a Jackie Chan movie. It's quite peaceful...not. Lesson learned: Pray to God on a nightly basis that he never allows it to rain after 6:00 pm. I'm serious.
4. Small children wake up in the middle of the night FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. My children will wake up, scream out for mommy and daddy as if they're being attacked by the Bogeyman. My wife and I will run into the room ready to fight a pack of ninjas. However, when we bust in the room our child is just sitting there in bed and says, "Hey Mommy, can I get up now?" After learning the small child has no real issues, she/he becomes distraught that she can't simply get out of bed at 3 in the morning. Why they cannot understand this I'll never know. Lesson learned: There's really way to avoid this situation. It's just going to happen sometimes. You will try to go back to sleep but at this point your blood pressure and adrenaline is so elevated either because you thought you were going to have to fend off a monster or because you're so angry at your child for waking up that there's no way in God's green earth you're getting back to sleep. You might as well just stay up and learn Mandarin Chinese or something.

5. Small children get sick...a lot. Adults have lived long enough to develop some immunity to colds, illnesses, coughs, strep through, chickenpox, the flu, bronchitis, etc. One of the joys of raising small children is that you get to experience the development of their immune system with them. This means you will be woken up by your small child at 4 am while he/she throws up, coughs, burns a fever, or develops a million other symptoms that need to be treated before the sun comes up. Lesson learned: Make your children eat 2,000,000,000 grams of Vitamin C a day. 
6. BONUS! Pets can have many of the same issues. Dogs have nightmares. Dogs throw up in the middle of the night. Dogs hate thunder. Dogs wake up for no reason. Dogs get lonely in the middle of the night and want to crawl up next to your face. Lesson learned: If you want a pet, get a turtle or better yet, a pet rock.

So there you go. As a result of these delightful examples, most parents only sleep about 4-6 hours a night. This is why parents of multiple small children look exhausted all the time. This is why I can always look at couples and immediately tell whether or not they have kids. The ones without kids are smiling, look like they've showered recently, and don't look exhausted. The couples with kids usually have beanbags under their eye lids and could easily be mistaken for the living dead.

So I have determined that I would rather have the guarantee of 7-8 sweet, blissful, and uninterrupted sleep each night than all of the tea in China. This is why your grandparents go to bed every night at 6:00 pm. They're just trying to catch up on all the sleep they missed while trying to raise their children. And let me just say I can't wait to be old for this very reason.

There's a story in the Bible where Jesus is out with his disciples and they go out on a boat together. The Bible says that Jesus was very tired and fell asleep in the boat. The remarkable thing is that this happened in the middle of a wild and crazy storm. Everyone is amazed that Jesus could fall asleep in a storm. I think what actually happened is that Jesus had just spent a week at a house with several small children and hadn't slept a wink in a week. A boat in the middle of a hurricane is nothing compared to a house with small children.

So is there a happy ending here? Yes. Once your small children get older and are potty trained, the likelihood of you getting a full night's sleep goes up to 50%. Then again, small children grow up to be teenagers who go out on dates and stay out past their curfew so...I'm not going to get any sleep until I'm 60.

I can't wait to be 60.

Eating out with Children...Lessons Learned

This picture does not equal reality. It's too clean and no one is stressed out.

Last Friday I decided I would like to take my wife out for dinner. It had been a long week for both of us and we could both benefit from a nice dinner together. I thought we could go out somewhere nice, eat a good meal and have some enjoyable conversation together. I wanted the evening to be relaxed and refreshing after a tough week. I love my wife and I was really looking forward to some quality time with her.

The problem was I forgot I had children. Don't ask me how I forgot. I have three of them and I see them every day. I love my children and even when they irritate me it is hard to forget they exist and that they are in my house. I have pictures of my children all over my desk. I also have pictures my children have drawn, colored, or otherwise created that plaster the walls of my cubicle. I am involved in the feeding, clothing, and bathing of my children every day. There is literally no way possible for me to forget that I have children and that they would affect my dinner plans. But I forgot I had children and that children don't do well in restaurants.

Yep, that's more like it. 

For those of you without small children, let me explain. Children don't do nice and quiet at restaurants. Children don't do relaxed at restaurants. Children don't behave, sit still, eat their food properly, or be quiet at restaurants. Children don't allow tired adults who would love to have a quality conversation to sit, relax and have a good meal. Let me illustrate how this played out with my wife and I last week.

Our first mistake was to choose
Olive Garden as our restaurant choice. This may not sound like a nice restaurant to you, but for parents with a limited income our usual idea of eating out is the drive-thru window at Zaxby's, so Olive Garden is a big step up for us. Olive Garden is a nice enough place, but it's too quiet. You know who is not quiet? Small children. Small children do not have inside voices. They only have outside voices that are very loud. So small children tend to draw lots of attention to themselves with their loud outside voices. This makes it very hard to have a conversation at your own table. Even more so small children with loud voices make it very hard for people at other tables to have conversations as well. This is stressful.
Lesson learned: If you go out to eat with small children, pick a place that is loud enough where loud children will get drowned out by the ambient noise. Think construction sites, football stadiums, etc. 

It's almost time for Wheel of Fortune!

Our second mistake was to go to dinner early. We went to dinner right at 5 o'clock. You know who eats dinner that early? Very Old People. I've got nothing against Very Old People. Some of the finest people I've known were Very Old People, (VOPs). One day I'll be a VOP myself, (Lord willing). But the problem is that VOPs like to go to dinner at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. VOP also like quiet dinners where loud children are not making loud noises. Do you know who we sat next to at Olive Garden? Very Old People. Do you know what it's like to try and keep very loud children quiet while they're sitting next to very old people? Just imagine that you're fighting with a raccoon while sitting at your dinner table and trying not to wake up a baby who is sleeping in a crib next to you. That's what it's like eating dinner early with young children while sitting next to VOP. Lesson learned: If you go out to eat with small children, go after 5:30 when the VOP have already gone home and are watching the news.  

Our third mistake was to expect our small children not to act like small children. I know that sounds obvious but like I said, I forgot. For those of you who don't have small children, let me explain what this is like. The following is an actual conversation with our three year old:

Now she wants pizza. 

My wife: "Okay sweetie, they have spaghetti, pizza, or chicken fingers. Which would you like?"
Child: "Spaghetti." (Actually pronounced Pa-sketti by children everywhere)
Wife: "Are you sure?"
Child: "Yes".
Wife: "You don't want pizza? You always want pizza."
Child: "Yes, I want Pa-sketti."
Wife: "If I order spaghetti are you going to eat it?"
Child: "Yes."
Wife: "Ok."

So we order spaghetti. Do you know what happens when the spaghetti arrives? You guessed it!
Child: "I wanted pizza!"
Wife: "I asked if you were sure and you said you wanted spaghetti."
Child: "I don't want pa-sketti anymore. I want pizza."

And there you go. This is not a criticism of my child or in any way an attempt to depict my daughter as rude, whiny, or disrespectful. The fact of the matter is that a three year old has the attention of well...a three year old and her mind changes just as  quickly as you can change the channel on your TV. She DID want spaghetti, 10 minutes ago. However, that was in the past. Three year olds live in the "now" as they say and now she wants pizza.

Not only does my three year old want pizza, but she has what is called "Dinner Gumby Disease." Dinner Gumby Disease, or DGD, as it is known by pediatricians and parents everywhere, is a disease where a child is unable to sit still in their seat at dinner time. Instead they fall all over their seat, lean over the table, and generally bounce around like a rubber band throughout the whole dining experience. Imagine having dinner with Gumby, but only if Gumby was souped up on caffeine and you get the idea.

All that is just my three year old. My two year old boy is a two year old boy. Two year old boys are generally angry, whiny, and irritated. I'm sure it has something to do with hormones, testosterone, etc. But the fact is, medical reason or not, two year old boys are generally angry, fidgety, and easily irritated if they don't get their way, which unfortunately is often. The good news is that two year old boys only act this way about 90% of the time. The other 10% is a breeze.  Well unfortunately we caught my two year old in the 90% phase this evening. Among the things that upset him this evening were: the color of his crayons, his straw not fitting in his drink right, his food, the fact he couldn't sit with his mom, the fact he couldn't sit with his father, his sisters, the bread, his chair, the angle of the curtains, the number 9, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the debt ceiling debate, and the length of his fingernails. (Okay I made some of that up, but you get the point). Every time he got upset or irritated he made loud noises which upset the very old people. All of this was quite stressful. Imagine having dinner with the Incredible Hulk's baby and every time the baby got upset it caused a minor explosion. This is what it's like to deal with a two year old boy. Lesson learned: If you have a two year old boy, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever go out to eat with him. Find a baby sitter for the love of all that is peaceful. 


As politicians love to say, "Let me be clear". I love my children. They are my delight, my love, and the apple of my eyes. If anyone were to ever hurt my children I would hunt them down like the guy in Taken and wipe them out. My children make me laugh and enjoy life in a way that is impossible without children. I thank God every day for the privilege and treasure of being a dad to such wonderful children. Let me be clear again: my kids are good kids. Most of the time they are well-behaved, they listen, and they respond well when they do something they shouldn't. The problem is they are STILL CHILDREN. Lesson learned: Children are going to act like children. If you forget you have children or expect your children not to act like children, you are an imbecile. 

So you can imagine how dinner went. My desire to have a quiet and enjoyable dinner was foiled because I forgot I have children and children act like...children. We came home with pasta sauce on our shirts, stress on our foreheads, and a non peaceful evening experienced. Lesson learned: Don't forget you have children when you are planning to eat out. 

Without God there are no morals...Solid Article from National Review

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/359999/response-richard-dawkins-dennis-prager