Thoughts on Depression...

Depression is unpleasant. (Thank you Captain Obvious). I’m not talking about, ‘I had a bad day’ or ‘the Lakers just lost in the playoffs so I’m bummed out’ depression, but real, medically acknowledged, I feel like I can’t think, get out of bed, get through this black cloud for days or weeks depression. Anyone who has experienced it or knows close friends or family who has experienced depression knows the pain, anguish, and despair it can bring to a person’s life. If you have felt the inability to focus, been unable to get off the couch or bed, or known the dark thoughts of unquenchable despair and hopelessness, then you know what I’m talking about.

Inevitably the experience of depression leads to questions about God, his character, his control over life, and the nature of evil. This is especially true for Christians. The questions are usually the same: “Why me?”, “What is the point of this?”, “Does God care?”, “Is he in control?”, “Has He forsaken me?”, or “Why does God allow this to happen to me/my friend/family member?”

It’s difficult and almost unfair to try and resolve these questions in a short article like this. My intention is not to answer all of the listed questions, but instead is to provide some truths from the Word that will hopefully bolster and encourage your faith when dealing with the despair and despondency which can engulf a believer who experiences depression.

In the interest of full disclosure I must admit that I have struggled with depression off and on since my senior year of college. I was coming back to college after a Christmas break and all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not really sure how or why it happened. All I know is I got up one morning and was as down as I had ever been in my entire life. I couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t pray, couldn’t communicate what was going on inside of me and didn’t even feel like leaving my dorm room. The worst part was I had no idea what caused me to feel this way. My then girlfriend, now wife, who loved me dearly, was utterly frustrated because she knew I was hurting but had no idea what was going on and therefore didn’t know how to help me. Thankfully I came out of this unpleasant funk after a couple of weeks, but it was only the beginning of my struggles with depression. That being said, I know my experiences with the disease are mild when compared to some and I know I am fortunate for the care from doctors, counselors, and friends that I have received.

There is hope for those of us who fight in this war. Firstly I would remind us all that we are not alone. Great men of history have wrestled against it including famous English preacher Charles Spurgeon, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, President Abraham Lincoln, Protestant reformer Martin Luther, Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, Olivia Newton-John, (that girl from Grease), and Hall of Fame Quarterback Terry Bradshaw. Most recently, Hall of Fame basketball guard Jerry West published his biography in which he details his deep struggles with depression throughout his life and career. No, they’re not all Christians, (as far as I know), but it does highlight the wide spectrum of people depression has affected. So you’re not going through this on your own.

The Word is not silent on the issue of depression. No, there is not a “Thus saith the Lord, ‘Nicodemus was medically diagnosed as depressed,” verse. Nor is there a verse in 2^nd Opinions that offers us all a quick fix. However, we can look to the Scriptures and see how others have experienced the feelings associated with depression. Psalm 69, 22, 13, 70, and 88 echo the anguish of despair, loneliness, abandonment, doubt, confusion, hopelessness, and pain that those who experience depression. What’s the hope in that you say? It is to know that many of God’s most faithful servants, (King David included), knew the depths of despair that we have felt. There is also hope in knowing God was able to bring them through their struggles, give them hope, and still use them in spite of their anguish.

Finally, knowing God is able to redeem our pain and suffering for our good and his glory should give us great hope. We do not suffer in vain. The things we endure the Lord will use. Paul wrote to the Corinthians that God “comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God,” (2 Cor. 1:4). We are promised that God will use all things for our good, even depression, to mold us into the image of his son Jesus, (Rom. 8:28-30).

Depression is awful, (thank you again Captain Obvious). However, we’re not alone in our pain and God is not without compassion and faithfulness as he walks with us in our despair. In these things we suffer through God is loving us through it all and making us more like Jesus. He will also use the struggles we go through to glorify himself and to bless others. Through all of our pain we are ever learning to “trust not in ourselves, but God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us,” (2 Cor. 1:9-10).

God bless you all who walk in the valley of the shadow. We’re not alone.

Meditation on one of Charles Wesley's best...

A meditation on the last stanza of the hymn “Amazing Love” by Charles Wesley, (the Grand Poobah of all hymn writers, period).

“No condemnation now I dread; Jesus, and all in him, is mine;
alive in him, my living Head, and clothed in righteousness divine,
bold I approach th' eternal throne, and claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?”

“No condemnation now I dread; Jesus, and all in him, is mine…and clothed in righteousness divine”

A person stands before the throne of God, without hope of justification for their evil actions and thoughts. There is no way any person can, by their own works, effort, striving, tears, or pleading, avoid the just condemnation of God almighty because men are too imperfect and unrighteous. However, there is no condemnation for the person who has put their faith in Jesus Christ. They are forgiven forever, based on the work of Christ on the cross. He has borne the condemnation already for sinners and all that is Jesus, his righteousness, his integrity, and his very life is seen by God as placed upon the person who puts his faith in Christ so there is now nothing for the believer to dread from the judgment of God. (Romans 8:1; Col. 1:22, 2:13-14).

“alive in him, my living Head,”

People apart from Jesus Christ are dead in their sins. Not only are they dead in terms of their guilt before God, but internally, in their spirits, they are dead. A non Christian’s spirit is hostile to God and is bent on evil and sin and is a slave to their nature. However, a Christian is alive in Jesus Christ. He is their life, so that now a believer lives in and through the life that God provides in Christ. They are no longer slaves, to their sinful nature. They have a new identity, master, and resource for living through Jesus by the Holy Spirit. (Rom. 6:8-11; Ephesians 3:4-6; Colossians 3:3-4; Galatians 2:20; Eph. 4:22-24; Gal. 5:16; Romans 6:1-8; Colossians 2:11-13).

“bold I approach the eternal throne, and claim the crown through Christ, my own.”

Men were separated from God because of their sin. Because of God’s holiness, he could not tolerate the sin of man. We see this in Adam and Eve, who were cast out of the holy presence of God after their fall from grace, (which incidentally was only the one sin of eating the forbidden fruit). Moses was unable to enter the promised land because of his disobedience of God. (It was not the only sin Moses committed, to be sure, but it highlights the holy standards of God). All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, (Romans 3:23), and are separated from God by their sin. Yet in Christ we are brought near to God by the blood of Christ, (Eph. 2:13), and are reconciled to God, (2 Cor. 5:20-21), so that we are have righteousness of God and are called his sons and daughters in Christ!

“Amazing love, how can it be, that thou, My God, shouldst die for me!”

Consider the love of God, that Christ, fully God, the very Son of God, the one who was formed all creation, who upholds all things by the word of his mouth, who called life into being, thought up the idea of DNA, cells, atoms, and complex nerve systems. Christ is the one who created the sun, moon, stars, planets, galaxies, and solar systems. He creates wonderful things like sweet tea, blues music, and indoor plumbing. This Jesus Christ, creator and sustainer of all life, God almighty, chose to come to earth, live as a poor human being with no notoriety, no fame, no worship from others. He humbled himself to suffer the disrespect, dishonor, and persecution from his own creation. He was unjustly accused, tried, and found guilty by those he came to save. He was beaten, whipped, and tortured, dying a death on a cross in the most inglorious fashion. All this was done to save people who did not love, want, pursue, honor, or deserve him. The God of all creation, suffered and died for worthless and wicked human beings. God died. Wrap your mind around that sentence!

This is but a blur of meditation on the amazing grace of God displayed in Jesus Christ. An entire volume could be written just on this one stanza of one hymn by Charles Wesley and I have given it two pages, (double spaced, mind you). Two thoughts on this:

1. Charles Wesley was the MAN in terms of hymn and song writing and there have been few, then or now, who come close to writing with as much depth and power as he did.

2. The grace of God is truly incredible. Indeed, ‘Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?”

Having a Kid is tough, get ready

I almost had a nervous breakdown after my first child was born. Seriously. Several factors influenced this. I don't respond to change well. Being away from my own bed for more than 2-3 days gets me off kilter. I need at least 7 hours of sleep a night and if I don't get it, I'm highly unpleasant and smell funny. I also love spending quiet evenings with my wife doing absolutely nothing. So you can imagine that if you add a baby into the mix that it would not suit me very well and lead to some spiritual and emotional challenges.

Don't get me wrong, I was excited about the arrival of my daughter and it wasn't like she was an accident. We planned to have a baby and obviously were successful in producing one. The issue with me was I came to the frightening understanding that I had no idea how to be a father or be faithful to the responsibilities therein. I was especially nervous of being a dad to a little girl. You see, I'm a guy. I grew up with guys. I had a mom, but she didn't count because moms are well...moms. Around the dinner table at our house we didn't talk about girl stuff. Mostly we grunted, talked about sports, or my brother and I made fun of our parents and one another amid the devouring of large portions of meat. There was no discussion about how we felt, what clothes we liked, or who was the cutest Disney Princess. Needless to say, the idea of taking care of and understanding a tiny female was really daunting. Plus I had no clue how a woman's plumbing worked, so when it came time to change my daughter's diaper, I was really freaked out.

My relationship with my wife changed dramatically, too. Her body was doing things it had never done before and wasn't doing things it had done previously. The doctor's told us that there was to be no “pelvic activity” for at least 6 weeks. So besides dancing the tango, mountain climbing, and jumping on the trampoline, there were other activities that she and I were not doing together as usual. Emotionally, things were REALLY different. She was focused, appropriately, on our baby girl, trying to get her settled in, to eat, sleep, and poop on a schedule. Meantime, the free time we used to spend talking, watching movies, or going out together was spent cleaning, wiping, feeding, eating leftovers, and generally trying to catch a nap whenever we could. Things were different on so many levels and I was not handling it well.

Six months after my daughter arrived I got really stressed out and just lost it. I didn't say anything to my wife, I just walked out of the house one night while she was sleeping and just kept walking. I was gone for about two hours just walking around various neighborhoods praying and thinking and freaking out. I didn't know how my relationship with my wife would ever be the same. I was STILL confused about how to change a girl's diaper, and to be a dad. I was begging the Lord to help me get through this. I didn't think I could make it on my own.

The story has a happy ending. Soon after I lost my mind my wife and I had a long talk and we began to work things out. The Lord provided me with the grace I needed to begin learning how to be a dad. The Lord also helped my wife and I adjust to being married WITH children, (as the saying goes). Yes our relationship had to change, but it changed for the better. I began to love her not only for being my best friend and wife, but also for her amazing inherent ability to be a mom. Then my daughter started developing her own little personality, smiling, walking, and just being incredibly adorable and my heart, which hated change, began to melt with love and adoration.

What's the lesson here? If you're expecting a newborn or just had a newborn, be sure to talk, talk, and talk some more. Talk before the baby arrives and talk after the baby arrives. (It may not necessarily be the smartest move to talk while the baby is arriving and your wife is hanging on for dear life and is screaming about how much you don't understand the pain she is going through...but I digress). Regardless, communication is key. You need to make sure you talk about what you're thinking and feeling. Talk about your expectations for life with a newborn. Talk about your concerns about how it's going to change your life and marriage. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

Just as important it is for you to talk to your spouse, you need to talk to the Lord even more. Having kids is like getting married. It's a great way for the Lord to show you that you don't have a clue and that you are inadequate to handle life on your own. Paul wrote about the persecution he endured at one point of his life in the second letter to the Corinthians saying, “But that was to make us rely not on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead,” (2 Cor. 1:9). God is able to get you through the major life changes you face, but you have to learn how to rely not on yourself, but on the life provided through Christ. So pray, pray, pray, and depend, depend, depend on God and he will give the grace needed.

If you are able to successfully communicate throughout the changes that come your way, and learn not to rely on yourself, but to seek the grace and strength of the Lord, you might be able to avoid losing your mind and wandering aimlessly around random neighborhoods at 1:00 in the morning.

God is good, I'm now on my third, and final, child.